Runaway: Summer Couldn't Be Less Appealing

1. I have finally reached a point in my life where I know I will never be anything great. I will spend the rest of my life trying to hide from everyone and everything. Everyone else seems to be so successful...they've already got plans, they're already living the way they want too. I can't even find the energy to get out of bed most days. I guess I'm finally getting what I deserve. I'm a textbook girl; I don't know how to survive outside of the world I created for myself. How do you make friends? How do you learn to keep relationships....I'm just not sure. I can't believe that I'm just now realizing this. I feel like Federer after Sunday's events. I just want to cry...I've been kicked from my number 1 seat and I've lost game, set, and match to the number 2 seed.

2. I'm being knocked from every direction. Sideways....

3. Boredom is totally underestimated....it can drive you to become someone you don't want to be. It makes you do stupid things; it makes you dream. It makes you want to have hope that is no longer there...these feelings won't go away. Can you really climb out of the system? Does it really work that way?

4. I don't like thinking about life's unanswered questions. It requires too much guestimation and reasoning. I like math. I like it when things have an order....I just accept things...I don't really care how they come to be...I only know that they are the way they are for a reason; the reason just means nothing to me.

5. These feelings won't go away. What do you do when you only exist on the internet? Everyday floats between reality and cyberspace for me lately. I'm not complaining...I'm just trying to figure out how I got to this point. Is it a low or a high?

6. I think that people should just forget that I am rotting away. I can't stand to think about how others are doing...I am selfish person and always have been.

There's nothing else to say tonight. I've run out of reasons...or rather I can only count to six. How unfortunate. This little megabyte needs sleep. And maybe just a little whiskey too...