Round 2

This came just a little late. I could apologize, but I feel like I've been doing too much of that lately. It's like every word that comes out is a huge mistake. I mean to filter things, but when you're so messed up, it's hard to figure out what the hell I'm talking about.

Wow, I haven't written in months and months plus a few more months. Not much has changed. One year older. A few big accomplishments, a few big heartaches, a few big mistakes, a few fun days.

Someone flirted with me today. I have to be honest and say it was one of the most awkward days of my life. I mean, this isn't the first time it's happened, but it is the first time lately that it's happened and I've actually tried to flirt back. Usually I just take the flirt at face-value and write the guy off as being a perv and then I purposely ignore him for a very long time. But today I didn't. I've been thinking about it all afternoon too. I even have this dumb lovestruck look on my face. I mean, there's no way me and my flirt are getting together.

He's just too him and I'm just too me.

I don't deserve people like that.

Mostly because I don't think I'll ever recover from heart disease. I just don't see how it's possible.

I'm still afraid of being alone. But then when I'm with people, I suddenly want to be back in my room, alone, with my headphones tucked snuggly and securely in my little ears. It's the only position I feel safe in. I love being with myself because even though it is scary to be solo, it's way MORE scary to be with other people.

I have loads of friends. And one best friend. But, somedays, I just look at them and wonder what they see in me. Why do they even stick around? They always say nice things, but when I say nice things, I rarely mean them. I'm just not a nice person. Sometimes I say lovely, funny, passionate, witty, gentle, and excellent things. I mean all of those. It's just the nicieties that are lost on me.

Blogging is a lost art form. As in a million people have one of these and yet none of us is changing the world with our words.

But I think that's mostly because the world doesn't want to be saved anymore.

We're happy suffering and feeling tortured.

Go Satan! Except, not really.